True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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