So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
