omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
