I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
