I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
