so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
