oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
