Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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