Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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