True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
