apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
