Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
