We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
