Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
