So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
