Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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