Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
