trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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