dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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