I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
