Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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