don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
