I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
