I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
