my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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