ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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