Can i not drive my cunt home
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We left the knife in your bed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
