I could have mohawked her pubes.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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