i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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