I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
