I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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