He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
