Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
