I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
