2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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