I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize