I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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