he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
