So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
