the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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