dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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