We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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