I was born with a shot glass in my hand
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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