No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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