I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
