WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
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