You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
