i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
