I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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