Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
