i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
