oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize