he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
