remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
