Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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