Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
