____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
