Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
