oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
