Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
