So drunk its hurt
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
