oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
