I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
