Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
