Please, let me fuck your mom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
