Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
