Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
