Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
