I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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