I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
